I realized when I started this post that I never posted the results of my bout with South Beach Phase One in January. I was able to lose almost four inches around my waist. That was then. I’m doing SBP1 again (notice my level of familiarity with the program, that I can confidently sling about the acronym as if I invented the thing), and I’m a week into it. And I have lost almost two inches at this point. An important note here is that I did not gain any since January. No, 2007 was the year that I wrecked all the progress I made in 2006. As I have said before, 2007 was not my year. But, if the trend (and indeed, my history of losing roughly two inches per week on SBP1) continues, I will be able to again fit into the closetful of clothes I bought in ’06 when I was – dare I say – en fuego. But this year is different. This year, by the time I rest, there will be pronounced ripples across my midsection, instead of the parabolic curve of the past.

Someone asked me why I was doing this, and then offered up a quick explanation of “mid-life crisis.” I will neither stipulate to that nor deny it. However, when you’ve seen half of the years in your species’ expected lifespan, and you know that the decisions you make at that point are going to affect the second “half,” you need to be confirming that you’re making the right decisions, otherwise that “half” is going to be short and pathetic.

If you’re thinking about the South Beach Diet (distinctly different than the Diet of Worms), which I clearly recommend, you have to do two things. One is you have to give up fast food. The corollary to this is that you can get a grilled chicken salad almost anywhere. The second thing is you have to be intimately familiar with nutrition if you go to restaurants. They usually have no idea what South Beach is all about (it is important to know that it is very different than Atkins or the Zone), and thus make very few dishes compatible with it. Typically, however, if you remember: no bread, no pasta, no rice, no sugar, no fruit, no sweet vegetables, you’re ninety percent there. My two typical restaurant meals on SBP1 are the aforementioned grilled chicken salad, and fajitas, sans tortillas.

So you’ve all heard it – two more inches by this time next week. That’s my goal. Let’s see what happens.